It’s no fun for the ladies when it all ends too soon. We have some tips to help keep the fire going for better, longer lovemaking.
True sexual fulfillment comes from playful and sincere experiences of emotional and physical intimacy. Before we dive into these tips, keep a playful spirit in mind. Bringing inner conflicts, needs, and suppressions into a sexual experience will ruin it.
Remember, sex can be and is supposed to be pleasurable. Even as you explore the tips suggested here, keep this core idea in mind. From that point, sexual performance and stamina can be improved with much less effort.
Here are some simple tips that can help transform your sex life into bliss:
Study the Kama Sutra
The Kama Sutra is one of the original required sutras for Brahmans. Kama literally means lust, love, or desire, and Sutra basically means instruction or manual. So the Kama Sutra is literally the handbook or manual for handling lust, love, and desire.
Within the Sutra is a technique for delaying ejaculation and increasing stamina. The exercise suggests that men start slow – keeping each penetration slow, roughly every three seconds – slowly increasing the number of strokes over time. If the sensation for orgasm comes too soon, then it is suggested to stay inside his partner until he regains control and continue slowly. I suggest getting a copy of the Kama Sutra Vatsyayana for further details and timeless wisdom on the topic.
Lose Your Mind
Performance anxiety is the number one assassin of sexual performance. Instead of constantly thinking and worrying about your sexual performance, just watch your worried thoughts as they appear or maybe even share them with your partner.
By keeping our thoughts to ourselves, they only grow. By sharing them, we take away their power.
You can also shift your focus away from the mind and to the body. The Kama Sutra suggests paying a lot of attention to breathing during sex. This gets us out of our heads and back into our bodies – making it easier to focus on the senses and feelings the body is experiencing during sex.
This is a major turn on for your partner as well; nobody likes a wandering anxious mind. A great tantric breathing practice is to simply synchronize your breath with your partner’s — observe your partner’s breath and match theirs to your own.
You can even communicate together on length of breath, inhaling for three seconds and exhaling for six and then together, observe the space between inhale and exhale.
You do not need to maintain this throughout the entire sex act, but as a starting place, you will begin the process of aligning your entire bodies together.
Practicing controlled breathing during sex will not only help you last longer, but also make sex more pleasurable by releasing feel-good endorphins. (1)
Switch it Up
One of the best things you can do if you feel you are getting to the end too soon is to switch things up – alter your speed, change positions, go for a kiss or try a bit of teasing.
A little foreplay can go a long way. Instead of jumping right to penetration, explore each other’s bodies a bit more.
Don’t be afraid to change things up and get creative. However, don’t get too creative – ask your partner first what she likes.
Keep the changes subtle, such as turning over positions, wandering touches, or holding place and focusing on a kiss.
Slow it Down
When it comes to sex, and most areas of life, good control boils down to lightness of touch.
Keep in mind, the focus doesn’t have to be solely on the sex organs. There’s plenty of pleasure to be found over the body as a whole, so explore!
Slow down and give attention to her body as a whole, paying fine detail to every crevice, curve, and soft place there is.
And when it comes to the vagina, explore outside the clitoris and G-spot. The vagina is a cluster of 8,000 nerve endings just waiting to be stimulated – a proper yoni massage can be a great way to set the mood and keep things lasting. (2)
Start by creating a cozy space. Make sure your partner is relaxed and in a comfortable position. Set the scene to be sweet and peaceful.
Next, start warming things up. Temperature is key and this is where foreplay can help. From here get things wet — lubrication is key. If your partner is turned on enough, this may be unnecessary; however, if needed, wet your fingers or lips before exploring your woman’s yoni.
Now before you start, you’ll want to know where to look and what to touch. If you’re facing the vagina you’ll find the hood of the clitoris and labia. Start by getting blood flow to the vagina by slowly caressing the labia and outer lips of the vagina.
Slowly work your way up to the most sensitive part of the female body, the clitoris. Most people confuse the clitoris with the hood (clitoral glans) at the opening of the vagina. The clitoral glans is visible from the outside; however, the other three quarters of clitoris is inside the body.
Once your lady has warmed up and is feeling relaxed (pay attention to her breath for cues) you can make your way to stimulating the clitoris.
This part of the vagina is the most sensitive. When touching it, be very, very gentle, you do not need to place much pressure. Rest your fingers and palm underneath her butt and very gently use your thumb to move the clitoris in a circular motion.
Most importantly, while you are pleasing your woman, completely forget any sort of destination for orgasm and enjoy the journey.
There are exercises that can be done to strengthen the pelvic floor muscle called kegels. This muscle is also referred to as the PC muscle or pubococcygeus muscle.
Studies have shown that women who practice kegels daily, 10 sets for 10 reps, have reduced stress levels. (3) This can be helpful on its own, considering that theoretically, physiological stress decreases sex drive. Also, stress related to sexual arousal or performance anxiety can decrease sexual arousal. (4)
Kegels can help by triggering good blood flow to the penis. To learn the best way to practice kegels, you can practice next time you’re at the urinal.
While you are urinating, try stopping the flow of urine – that is the PC muscle. Once located, simply do this exercise for a few minutes daily. Start with just 10 breathing repetitions by flexing the PC muscle on an inhale and release it on an exhale — it’s that simple!
Get Herbal Support
Ashwagandha, also known as withania somnifera, has been used traditionally in Ayurvedic medicine as an aphrodisiac and remedy for male sexual dysfunction and infertility. (5)
Because the kidneys are responsible for producing sex and stress hormones, it’s important to keep stress levels low, so the kidneys can instead focus on producing more anabolic hormones like testosterone.
This is what makes Ashwagandha great – it is an adaptogenic herb that helps the body, specifically the kidneys, better adapt to stress.
It would be a good idea to avoid foods that elevate estrogen levels, such as unfermented soy, which has been associated with erectile dysfunction. (8) Moderate consumption of fermented soy may be fine.
Also, a strict vegetarian diet that focuses on consumption of plenty of nuts and beans has been linked to hormonal changes in testosterone. However, sticking to a whole foods diet that is rich in organic fresh vegetables, low in sugar, and contains moderate amounts of healthy fats is optimal for hormone health and thus a strong sex drive. A few specific foods to consume for healthy testosterone levels are pastured eggs, beef, and oysters. (9)
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